My boy.

This boy means more to me than anyone. Though we have our ups and downs, I know at the end of the day everything will be okay. He has made me feel like the most important girl in the world. And he never fails to impress me. He knows the exact words to say, and he does what he says he is going to do. Nothing means more to me than someone who keeps there word. Though I know I am not the best at it myself. I am working on it. He is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time, and I am so happy he's mine.

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Cluttered Thoughts

How do you know how much you can put into something before giving up? I always seem to ruin things. I can't ever seem to plan things with out other things getting in the way. And it's not like I mean to. It's frustrating when you don't know what more to do to fix these things. Especially when it's all you have ever wanted. I'm not an expert at this whole relationship thing, and it sure is showing. I can't deal with my emotions perfectly when my mind can't stop thinking about one person or one situation. The worst thing is going to bed confused or broken. It's not easy. And the other worst thing is hanging on and feeling like the only one fighting. I know I messed up, but everyone makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect but I'm trying my best to be just that for you. Trying to fix things about me so I'll be like every other girl is not easy. Being able to not eat what I used to is not easy. It's put me through some of the worst mood swings I've experienced. But I keep going, because who wants to be known as "the fat friend."? not me. And It makes me hope you'll love me that much more if I do. My mind is cluttered and I can't think straight. There is so much going on and so little of words heard. And it's beginning to make me think I don't have any hope. Nothing I do can fix what I've done. And I can't live with that. I can't break again. I don't think I could handle that. I just need this storm to pass. No one will understand the way he makes me feel. He makes me feel like I'm the only important person in this world. But how do you know what's true when that one person won't even speak a word to you? It puts thoughts in your mind that you wish would just go away. It cuts you down and makes you feel worthless. Like I can't do anything right. I just wish everything can be okay.

Time Away

When you are away from someone for a period of time, you can really see how important they are to you. You can see how they have formed to be apart of your life and daily routine because once they are away it's almost as if a part of you is missing. Even the smallest and shortest distance can seem too great to overcome. When you get attached to someone or something, being away from it for even the slightest bit could cause you to rely on it that much more and it's hard being away from it. Almost like a drug. The more it becomes apart of your life and the consistency of you doing it or being around it... it's hard being away from it. It doesn't feel normal. And it's almost like you crave it. You need it. And you start to rely on it for happiness. Another example is a relationship with someone else. And time away from that person could also cause you to grow closer to them. I've learned that with true friendship continues to grow even after the longest distance. Same goes for true love. Distance never separates two hearts that truly care. And when I seem to get sad because the one I care about is not around, I just remind myself how lucky I am to have someone as amazing as them to miss. So never take the time you have with someone for granted. Because you never know when it might be your last day or theirs. Time is valuable. And distance will make you realize that.

self timer.

i'm a nerd, but it was a very sunny day. and I was alone and in the mood for more pictures. what can you do.

Never Give Up

Without motivation, we would get no where in life. Everything will get worse before it gets better. But when it does, remember who helped you up, and who put you down and doubted you. Do not base your decisions on the advice of people who don't even have to deal with the results. Base it on yourself, and what you truly want. Be strong, and never give up on what you want. True strength is being able to keep going and holding it all together when no one would blame you for giving up and falling apart. You change for good for one of two reasons. Either you learn enough to want to, or you've been hurt enough that you just have to do it for your own happiness. If you want something bad enough, you need to do everything in your will to get it. The only thing standing in your way to get what you want, is you. There are no excuses. Excuses are for people who don't want it bad enough. Don't give up because you had one bad day. Forgive yourself and be better tomorrow. If you give up, you'll never get to the point you want to in
life. It may seem hard at first, but it will be all worth it in the end. And if you do give up, don't pity yourself. Because clearly you didn't want it bad enough to change. I will not give up. I have already come so far, and I feel as of I'm becoming happier and more confidant because of it. Yes, I have my bad days, but I won't let it get in my way. I will be the person I want to be one day. I won't stop. I can't stop. I am doing this for me, and for all the people who to this day, continue to doubt me. I will prove them wrong.