Sunday, April 22, 2012
How do you know how much you can put into something before giving up? I always seem to ruin things. I can't ever seem to plan things with out other things getting in the way. And it's not like I mean to. It's frustrating when you don't know what more to do to fix these things. Especially when it's all you have ever wanted. I'm not an expert at this whole relationship thing, and it sure is showing. I can't deal with my emotions perfectly when my mind can't stop thinking about one person or one situation. The worst thing is going to bed confused or broken. It's not easy. And the other worst thing is hanging on and feeling like the only one fighting. I know I messed up, but everyone makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect but I'm trying my best to be just that for you. Trying to fix things about me so I'll be like every other girl is not easy. Being able to not eat what I used to is not easy. It's put me through some of the worst mood swings I've experienced. But I keep going, because who wants to be known as "the fat friend."? not me. And It makes me hope you'll love me that much more if I do. My mind is cluttered and I can't think straight. There is so much going on and so little of words heard. And it's beginning to make me think I don't have any hope. Nothing I do can fix what I've done. And I can't live with that. I can't break again. I don't think I could handle that. I just need this storm to pass. No one will understand the way he makes me feel. He makes me feel like I'm the only important person in this world. But how do you know what's true when that one person won't even speak a word to you? It puts thoughts in your mind that you wish would just go away. It cuts you down and makes you feel worthless. Like I can't do anything right. I just wish everything can be okay.
Posted by sydney taylor bruning