Sunday, September 18, 2011
We all go through days of hurt, happiness, anger, doubt and fear. And for me, what has gotten me through each and everyday is the support of my family and friends. Without them, I wouldn't be where I am today. There have been times where I have felt so alone, it physically hurt. As time goes on I seem to always get a warm, calming feeling from my Heavenly Father letting me know that he has felt my pain too, and he loves me. And he never forgets to remind me how blessed I am to have the family I have, and the friends I was blessed with. And He lets me know that nobody is perfect, because if things were perfect, they wouldn't be real. And you never realize how important people are until you lose them, so keep you friends close. And never forget your family. Friends come and go, but family will be there for you for all eternity. And they will be there for you through hard times. And they are always there to reach my goals and follow my dreams. Dreams come a size too big, so that we can grow into them. And when we get there, we appreciate it that much more. And when it seems too hard, then sometimes we need to step outside, get some air... and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be. Try not to waste your time on a stupid boy, trust me. Every moment in your life counts. And every good moment you lose, is a moment you'll never get back. So why waste it on something that just confuses you and makes you question your happiness. One day you will find someone who loves your flaws more than your perfections and you'll know they are the one. In the mean time, live you life. Love your family. Look out for your friends. Keep yourself busy with healthy hobbies and activities. Follow your dreams, and always remember that your Heavenly Father loves you and knows and has felt everything you have gone through.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Why are you so surprised I still love you? I said forever and always and unlike you, I wasn't lying. I can't even describe it in words. I don't know if it was love, but I know that it is the closest I have falt to love. But now it's all gone. I put all my trust in you, you broke my heart. Then you came back... but still doing wrong things and not knowing you'd have to go. I wrote, and got nothing. Once again you came back, and we both knew that there was still something there. But I knew that I couldn't let my self fall back too quickly. So I set the boundaries of "Best Friends". It was all perfect, and each day I would fall more and more for you over and over again. The next thing I knew you were off doing the dumb things you got into again. I felt lost and empty. I had to cut you off. But each day that passed I couldn't help but think of you. Then you called telling me you couldn't handle not talking. So there I go again, opening up and letting you back in. Is this wrong? Fifth Time i've let this happen in the past 4 years. Then the next thing I know.. you're doing crap again. And after that you find her. Now I'm here back to square one. Alone, Lost, and in Regret. Got so used to talking everyday and all night, now we don't talk at all. I can't believe I let this happen yet again. I should have been smarter. I should have listened to everyone else. But I was too caught up thinking something might actually happen again. She has you tied down, no moving now. There is so much space between us. Seems like more than the year we had no connections. Seems worse. I can't handle it. Going from everything perfect so many times to nothing but empty hands, and i'm trying to hold on with my open hands. I can't seem to hold on, but the memories won't seem to let me go. I've had to say too many goodbyes that my throat is starting to hurt. And the word "someday" keeps popping in my head, but i'm trying to keep busy. So many things remind me of you, because we have done so much and been to so many places together. I feel like I have moved on. But there is always those days where I know that I haven't. I must have been a fool to keep taking you in and letting you mess with my heart. And for some reason, my heart won't let anyone else in. It lets people in, but not to the extent of feeling love. Like I said, the closest to love i've felt was with you. I don't even know if it was love. But I'm trying to stand back and look out to the view. You keep blocking it, and I'm slowly learning to look past you.