Sunday, December 25, 2011

Falling Into Place

It's like one moment I'm breaking and the next, I'm just fine. I guess you could say filling your schedule really does work. When I'm up to absolutely nothing is when it actually hits me. I am usually always doing something. Lucky for me. But there are those moments alone when I over think everything, and I start to miss things and regret things and wish I could change things. But I cannot make up my mind of what I actually want. It's like I want it all and nothing all at the same time. I need to actually think about whats most important in my life. What priorities I need to put first and what priorities I need to put last. I need to start seriously thinking about my future and putting in perspective, what could affect my future in good or bad ways. But I still cannot make up my mind with things and I really wish that I could. When I let go of things, I always regret it. But am i just regreting and missing it in the moments when i'm alone and not doing anything? Or do I honestly regret and miss these things. you know... I honestly wish I knew myself. I have been letting go of things to chose my happiness. But I always feel like that thing could have potentially been my happiness. It is all a blur to me and hopefully soon I can clear my thoughts and make decisions. No matter how great things may seem, they always change. Life goes on, and it sucks sometimes, but new great things always come around. until then, I can only hope for the best. The two hardest things for me personally is the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage to accept that you've waited for nothing.

Some one once told me that, "the biggest room in the world, is the room for improvement" and I agree completely with that. We can improve in any aspect of our lifes. In our hobbies, our kindness, health, relationships with family & friends, etc. A big one for me is relationships with friends. I have to always remind myself that bad things are always going to happen in my life. People will hurt you. But i can’t use that as an excuse to fail or to hurt someone back. I'll only hurt myself. And I have learned that first hand in many situations. Everyone is bound to mess up or fail. But it's how we react to it is what matters. We need to improve our attitudes. And improve our relationship with God. If we work on that first, I truely believe that everything else should fall into place.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Never Ending

It's never going to end now is it? I thought you would handle all of this more maturely. You both are acting like you are in junior high again. I hope you know that you were once one of the most important people in my life for a very long time. And as we both see, that has changed. I feel bad for you both for the fact that she is taking everything I say, thinking it's about you. Because clearly that is something she can use to help her feel better about your relationship with her. It's funny how when you finally get over someone, you start seeing them in a whole new perspective. sucks now that your back in a relationship, because your not youself, all because she's your personal tampon. Contrary to your belief, it doesn't bother me to give up on you. But what does bother me is she isn't dropping it. It could all be done with, but your girlfriend just loves to drag it on making it more dramatic than it needs to be. But congratulations, she has won. I have finally stopped trying. You are out of my life. Probably forever. But just remember, that when you realize that you lost your best friend, it was your fault. I have such low expectations for you now. You've disappointed me, and it's funny to me. Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about friendship. But rather makes me realize that some friends really are just that selfish to cut you completely out for someone else. Comes to show who your friends are, huh? I think the hardest part of this whole situation is that neither of us knows what’s going on. Neither of us knows what the other is thinking completely. And we are both trying to make decisions on something we don’t really know. Because the only people really doing the talking is me and her. And yes we both know you're talking to her. But then there is me who doesn't hear a word. But even though I now see what a jerk you turned out to be, I still find myself picturing the good part about you. Because I know the good part. So please do us all a favor and stop this. I wanted it to end a while ago. And I keep seeing crap all over about it. I'm done with both of you. This has been such a waste of time. And congrats to her for trying her best to make my life miserable like she told me she wanted to. What a great goal in life? Looks like a keeper to me..

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Another one gone.

I guess you could say i'm just shocked. I'm going to drop it all after this. But I just never thought this would have ended like this? The fact we won't even talk. And lost respect for you because you didn't really say anything at all. Looks like I have to lose yet another best friend. Hope you and her are happy together. And I honestly do mean that. Because there is a reason we are being pushed away. friends come and go. And i'm fully aware and used to it... Probably because I let people walk all over me and just try to let things go. I feel like i'm always the one that loses the fight. But i've gotten pretty good at doing just that. But like I said, I hope you two work out. Treat her well, and don't do anything stupid. you both desreve to be happy. Everyone deserves that, and though I am still looking for that, I am 100% positive that I will honestly be happy one day. God puts people in my life for a reason and takes them out for an even better reason. And I truly believe that. So there is a reason this is all happening now and so fast. I'm just going to have to get used to not being able to text my best friend everyday. And being able to call eachother whenever and tell eachother about our day. I am so greatful I was able to meet you, and the times and talks we have had we're amazing and i'll be able to look back and remember the good times. Once again, thank you for everything and nothing all at the same time. You have your life set out in front of you and I won't be able to fit in the small space you have given me. You and I will always be unfinished buisness. And I am still completely blown away at all this right now. Because you have never acted like this. And I honestly thought you never would. But I guess we could say thats just life? We need to accept things and move on... And we have to accept that nothing will be the same any more, even if one day we do become friends again. And realize that those who are honest with themselves and others will get further in life, and i hope you are honest with her about us.. Because from what she has told me, it's different than what you say to me. And I appolgize for anything i've done because I actually value my relationships with people more than my ego. I guess you just have to be willing to be happy about nothing. So i'll go on with my life, and you do the same.